


♛ City Of Lost Wishes ♕

by CheshireCatLife



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: LGBT, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9712748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshireCatLife/pseuds/CheshireCatLife
Summary: ♛ 'our parting was like a stalemate...neither of us won. yet, both of us lost,When Alec goes to Magnus' party his whole life is filled with colour. He soon gets wrapped up in a fast moving relationship that he can't stop to evaluate. He loves the thrill, the ride, but he can't see it. He can't see what is happening behind it all.He no longer can see just how fast this ride is...and how soon it will end. ♕





	1. ''I Meant Him''

_~M~_

The flat had been filled to its capacity before but this was different. The cramped atmosphere of the party dissipated as my eyes scanned the room and caught sight of something I had never seen before.

The boy had blue eyes, it was that simple. I couldn't resist the black hair and blue eye combination but I could see that this time was different. It wasn't the combination that drew my in but the eyes themselves. 

Those eyes took me in and never seemed to let go. I stared at them as if they were the crown jewels themselves, they may as well have been in that moment. The boy finally caught my eyes and blushed heavily under my stare.

Feeling a bought of confidence, I strode over to find three shadowhunters, Clary and a mundane boy. Feelings a pit in my stomach as I realised the boy with the blue eyes was a shadowhunter, I was tempted to turn away but I couldn't miss an opportunity to flirt whether I hadn't allowed myself a relationship with them or not.

Of course, I knew that they were here because of Clary but that didn't dissuade me, though I would rather not to talk to her. The boy, his eyes still locked with mine, blushed even heavier as I finally approached them, standing in front of them with all my prowess- though I believe they distracted by the lack of trousers. 

'You like the party?' I smirked, trying to draw the blue boy's attention back to me rather that letting his eyes wander around the extravagant party. He didn't seem to talk much, that much was clear at this point. 

I lounged against one of the marble pillars, staring directly at the boy, intently staring at how his black hair covered one of those beautiful eyes. I wished he didn't do that, he should flaunt those eyes- those beautiful, beautiful eyes.

My attention was diverted when the red head decided to talk, forcing my eyes away from the boy. 'Is it in honour of anything?' She asked, her squeaky voice surprising me- it seemed her voice hadn't changed since I last saw her...when she was ten.

'My cat's birthday.' I spoke dismissively, my eyes focusing back on the blue. I could see the ocean in those eyes. This wasn't cliche, his eyes really were the ocean. I had travelled over the globe for centuries and never had I seen a colour so close to the beautiful sea of the Carribean Islands. Almost perfectly blue but still contained those flecks of green that made it shine all the more beautifully.

'Oh.' Clary glanced around, her eyes wandering for less than a second before her eyes were back on me. 'Where's your cat?'

I unhitched myself from the pillar, my face solemn. It was teasing really, Chairman would be back soon but that didn't mean I had struggled to find him. 'I don't know. He ran away.' I shrugged, trying to play it off as a joke as I realised it really had been a while since I had seen him.

The two boys then approached me, blocking out the two girls and the mundane, one being the beautiful blue eyed boy. Alec, that was his name, Alexander. A beautiful name for a beautiful man. I smiled to myself as his stern face turned embarrassed under my intent stare.

I looked down on them, being taller than both of them but only Alec by an inch, and smiled my most teasing smile. 'Can you help us?' The blonde one asked, his arrogance reaching me by his voice alone. Stereotypical shadowhunter. 

I zoned out after that as they explained the details to me of Jocelyn's child. He was what could only seem to be half way through his long-winded explanation when I cut in. 'Yes, yes.' I motioned my hand dismissively and let my eyes fall on Alec once again. I smirked. 'but only because of the hot one.' I winked and laughed as his already heavily reddened cheeks managed to stretch across his face, transforming him into some sort of tomato.

'Thanks.' The blonde smirked causing me to laugh almost obnoxiously loud, drawing a few people's attention our way. 

'I meant him.' I extended my finger towards Alec seductively, smiling as I teased him. It really was a shame he was a shadowhunter or I was sure I would go out with him. That was when he blushed the deepest red I had ever seen. How red can this boy go? Sighing, I pointed to the red head and motioned for her to follow me, ready to tell her what I knew.

_~A~_

I ran as fast as my legs could let me in the crowded space and practically fainted at the bar. Magnus was forward, very forward, and I could already feel the creeping feeling of happiness as he teased me. 

I didn't understand. As much as I knew, I was ugly, boring and not anything special...my thoughts were cut off as Magnus approached me. I was surprised he was already finished but as I scanned the room and caught Clary's distraught expression, I assumed he wasn't much of a help.

Magnus was hot, unfortunately hot, and the trousers that weren't there were not helping. His cat eyes sparkled under the dancing lights as he watched me intently as he made his way through the crowd which was parting for him as if he were the king- I guess in this environment he was.

I was caught off guard when he tapped my shoulder and was suddenly in front of me. I must have zoned out, nothing new there. I froze and tried to think of something to say but came up with nothing. 

He smiled at me gently and I felt my cheeks go red. I sighed, I had only just lost the heavy blush I was sporting earlier. I felt almost as if I was burning at this point. I wouldn't be surprised, the lights really were harsh.

'Come with me, Alexander.' He purred with that silky voice of his. I followed without a thought as he entranced me into irrationality. None of the group seemed to notice as they danced or drank the night away, trying to enjoy the party before they inevitably got caught up in a fight with a downworlder.

I may have been glad to have privacy but something inside me fell as I realised that they gave no care into my well-being. Maybe they just thought I was safe, which was more reasonable but my insecurity seemed to be screaming at me to feel worse than I already did.

Magnus looked back to me and I realised I had stopped in my tracks. 'Alexander?' I moved without a word as did he. It seemed that the question wasn't in need of an answer as he led me upstairs.

In that moment, I realised what he had called me. Alexander. No one but my parents called me that name yet coming off his tongue made my heart flutter. Being noticed at all had already sent fluttering butterflies into my stomach and I couldn't help but feel nervous as he dragged me up the steep incline of the stairs.

I stared in awe as I entered the loft- it was perfect. It was decorated with lush red and, to my lack of surprise, a variety of glitter and sequins sprinkled around the sophisticated furniture. It all looked so beautiful under the moonlight which beamed through the large windows, illuminating the shadowy room. 

Magnus strode over to the couch, falling back on it, beckoning me to join him. I obliged and sat next to him, my body rigid as I almost hung off the edge, careful not to get too close to him. I looked over to him, smiling awkwardly, trying to break the heavy tension that hung in the room.

I felt out of place. My stomach was doing flips; I hadn't ever felt like this before. Sure, I had a small crush on Jace but this was different- and this was terrifying. I stared at him unsure of what to do and did the one thing that I never thought I would do.

I pulled my face to his and crashed my lips to him. I felt him freeze and almost pulled away but before I could, his arms circled around my waist, trapping me in his grasp and kissed me back with all I had.

It was my first kiss and I couldn't help but feel it was perfect. 'Alexander. I promised myself to never do this with a shadowhunter but I can't resist.' I smiled against his lips, just as he did and kissed him again, this one more gentle than the last.

When I finally pulled away, I had the largest smile on my face and I simply stared at him. Our eyes met each other and we were both lost. I could tell in that moment that this was new for both of us.

I could have called it love at first sight but I don't know whether it was that strong, not yet. I had no experience in relationships but what I felt, I couldn't pass that off as nothing. I had no words to say, we were both speechless but we enjoyed the silence as it lasted.

Then, there was a knock on the door, and like that it all broke. Magnus shook his head as I simply stared at the window, laying down on the sofa, feeling my head spin. Magnus approached the door as I heard people talking on the other side- Isabelle.

'Stop!' I hissed, trying not to be too loud or too aggressive. Magnus stopped and turned to me, raising an eyebrow. 'That's my sister, she can't know.' I whispered, a look of panic masking my face.

He nodded understandingly and told me to go into the bedroom, pointing to the door. Without hesitation, I sprinted inside so Magnus could open the door before she left.

_~M~_

Alec ran to my bedroom as I opened the door to reveal a tall girl with long black hair who I presumed was Alec's sister. Isabelle, I think that was what they had told me her name was. She looked panicked, terrified even but that was a stretch to call a shadowhunter.

'Is Alec here?' She panted as if she had just run a mile. I thought they were supposed to have stamina. I took a moment to contemplate whether to tell her or not but followed Alec's wishes. 'No, he's had the party. What's wrong?' I lied smoothly, covering it up with a question.

'Simon's gone missing.' She rushed out, panting again. 

'A shame.' I tried to sound interested but I couldn't help but sound bored that the mundane, Sherman, had gone missing. 'Go look for Alec at the party, I saw him there not long ago.' I told her, shutting the door in her face and sat down as I heard her retreating footsteps.

'Alec?' I knocked before opening it to see him pacing around the room. Before I could even say a word, he pushed past me and rushed to fix his messy hair and was at the door within seconds. 'Thanks, Magnus, but I need to go.' I nodded but before he could close the door I shouted 'wait!' He paused and turned to look at me as I slammed my lips against his once again.

I regretfully pulled away. 'Go.' He left without another word, a smile playing on both of our lips. I sighed. I had broken a promise I had kept for over a century for that boy, not that he realised. But, I didn't care.

I was falling for him already. He had broken down those walls and despite not being ready, I couldn't find it within myself to stop him.


	2. ''It's Your First Boyfriend!''

_~A~_

Simon had been hard to find...and even harder to save. Despite our efforts at peace, it seemed that some downworlders just weren't about to give us what we wanted. The vampires were hard to work with and it didn't help that every few seconds I fell into a daydream caused by that one man with the cat eyes.

When I finally came home to the Institute and lumbered to my room, fell back onto my bed and was ready to sleep instantaneously. I lay down but something was preventing me from sleep. I rolled over to see a scrunched up piece of paper left behind him.

It had been digging into my back pocket and I realised that was the only thing keeping me awake at all. With my eyes shutting, I reached out and unravelled the paper revealing a blur of messy handwriting covering the paper.

The words were sweet and would keep me up for even longer that night, despite it almost being the next day. 

_Dear Alexander,_

_I had a great time last night. I would like to do it again._

_Call me,_

_xxx xxx xxx_

_Magnus x_

I laughed at just how illegible his handwriting was but couldn't wipe the large grin off my face as I read it. I had just met this man yet I couldn't help but feel happier than I had in most of my life. I grasped for my phone, pulling up my contacts and typing as many details I could of him in.

I was ready to send a message but it seemed that my mind didn't want to accept the idea. My finger hovered over the send button, my hand shaking as I restrained from pressing it. But, against my better judgement, my finger hit the button and I could feel the regret hit me like a train.

 _Had a great time too x,_ it read. I groaned, it was too much, too forward. Yet wasn't the letter he sent me alone too forward? My mind was conflicted. This was my first chance at a relationship and I couldn't help but doubt the possibility of success. He was a man and a warlock after all yet in that moment I didn't care.

What if the x was too much? What if I had texted too quickly? What if that letter was just given out of obligation? I groaned once again, attempting to silence my obnoxiously loud mind. I could already tell this would be a long day but it was too late now, the message had been sent and there was nothing I could do about that now.

I stuffed the note back in my front pocket in hopes to keep it from prying eyes and fell asleep instantaneously, too tired for even my busy mind to keep awake.

When I woke up, it was only ten in the morning. I had dragged myself out of bed, walked out in only my pyjamas and found myself in front of Jace who had an overexcited look on his face and I could tell before he even spoke what the topic of our conversation would be.

I sighed silently, letting Jace shout in my ear about the new red head, Clary. I listened without putting a word in edgeways simply wishing him to stop talking but he was parabatai and I was reluctant to be rude, even though he would take it well. I tended not to lash out for fear of the reaction.

We continued walking down the dull, dimly lit corridors towards the kitchen where the smell of burning was fuming out, harsh and strong. Isabelle's cooking no doubt. We walked in side by side but as soon as we made it past the doorway Isabelle stormed towards me, clasped her hand around my arm and pulled my out into the corridor, slamming the door behind her.

Jace before the door shut, shot me a confused look but shrugged and turned his attention to Clary, his lips curving into a smirk and I could practically feel his flirtatious waves from the other side of the door. Despite this whole thing with Magnus I couldn't help but feel jealous as he talked to her in the way I wished he talked to me. 

'Izzy!' I hissed when her nails began to dig into my arm, leaving oddly arranged marks in my arm. She pulled her hand away but kept at a close proximity. I studied her face, I was stunned. She wasn't angry, she was excited. I had been expecting her to be mad, though I still had no clue where this conversation was going.

'You and Magnus?' She hinted, nudging my arms, beaming at me. My mouth hung open as she stared at me expectantly.

'What?' I had no other words, really, it seemed that was the only reasonable answer in that situation.

'You, him. His apartment?' She stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Of course, I knew what she was talking about but I made no attempt at telling the truth. I didn't want her to know, despite her knowing my sexuality. 

Magnus and I had kissed and nothing more. Yes, that was my first kiss and that would be held as important but I didn't want to mention that to my sister or Magnus. That was information that would stay with me for fear of the reaction it would gauge out of them.

'What about it? I sat at the bar the whole time. We talked once, he didn't really say much.' I lied, it coming out smoothly for the first time in my life, to which I was extremely glad for.

'What's this?' She suddenly asked, slipping the note from my pocket and unravelling it, revealing Magnus' message. 'I knew it!' She squealed making me cover her mouth with my hand trying to block the others from hearing it.

I blushed heavily, searching for excuses and coming up with nothing good.  She shot her head back up to me, beaming. 'Alec! It's your first boyfriend!' She called out, before shutting her mouth in a rush as if to remember that there were others in the room just next to us.

'I already told you. He didn't say much, he gave me the note and left.' I tried to cover up but realised that is not what the note implied. She smirked but said no more, shrugging before entering the kitchen knowing that even with her stubborness there was no way she was getting any more out of me.

I found myself walking back to my room, not up for comforting Izzy by eating her vile food and fell back onto my bed for a second time. I opened the note up again, which I had snatched back from her before she left, and threw it in the bin, hoping no one was desperate enough to rummage through my bin.

As I lay, mindlessly watching the ceiling as the small chandelier I had created dancing patterns of light, I felt a light weight press down onto my palm. I looked down to see a new piece of paper in my hand, I fire message.

 _Dear Alexander,_ it began, just like the other.

_I'm not a fan of texting._

_Call me,_

_Magnus x_

Before I knew it, I was mildly hyperventilating. I wasn't sure I could make it through a phone call with him. The butterflies returned to my stomach and I could feel my heart race. What was he doing to me?

I glanced at my phone, picking it up reluctantly and scrolled through my contacts to find Magnus'. Nervously, I tapped on it, my hand hovering over the call button. I had hardly managed to calm my breathing but I pressed it, glad that he couldn't see the blush that was covering my face.

As it began to ring, I was tempted to just stop this all and run back to my old life being antisocial and only confiding with my family, which I did rarely anyway. The ringing continued, the anticipation killing me when I finally heard a smooth voice through the speaker.

'Hello?' The voice sounded questioning but confident, there was no doubt that it was Magnus.

'Is th-this Magnus B-Bane?' I stuttered, my voice barely a whisper as my breath picked up a pace and my heart raced faster than it did even in battle. My hands trembled and I struggled to even keep the phone in place so I resorted to putting speaker on and placing it beside me on the bed.

'Of course, Alec, darling. Who did you think?' I almost hated the confidence in his voice. In comparison to mine, it was like a king talking to a peasant. I was shadowhunter, a son of the angels yet I couldn't help but seem like a mundane teenager asking someone to date them for the first time.

'How did you know it was me?' I blurted before putting any thought into my words.

'The shaking.' He laughed in reply, the blush heavily set on my face. 

'Oh...Ok.' I attempted to cover the defeated tone in my voice but I inevitably failed. I was too nervous and my self-esteem was hitting rock bottom at this point.

'No, no, no! Don't worry, Alexander!' He stumbled over his words, to which I laughed at him, feeling only slightly better about myself. I couldn't be sure whether that was what he intended or he was just as nervous as I was.

'Anyway,' he dragged the letters out, trying to figure out what to say next. 'Dinner...today, at seven?' He asked.

'Yes!' I blurted before even a second had passed. Magnus laughed as I buried my face in the pillow trying to pretend this was not happening.

'Come over to mine at seven.' I nodded but realised he couldn't see me so just hummed to tell him I had heard. He laughed again at my inability to form words and hung up before I could embarrass myself anymore. I sighed and stared at the ceiling, wishing that life could just be easy.

-

Time passed quickly and soon it was six in the afternoon and I still hadn't gotten ready. I stared at my alarm clock and flung myself out of bed, confused at how I hadn't realised the time. I threw myself at the wardrobe, not sure of what to wear but picking a simple shirt and jeans. I was sure that a first date would not be too fancy but I knew that either way I was going to be embarrassed and out of place so I lacked care at this point.

The shirt was a deep blue and matched my eyes. I was proud that I could even choose clothing but it seemed that Isabelle's long rambles about fashion had paid off- well, now, I still mostly wore training gear in the day.

The jeans were a deep black as were my combat books and with that I was ready and I was prepared to sneak out of the Institute. I knew the window was the best option and it wasn't as if I hadn't tried this before.

I had forty minutes to reach Magnus' apartment after I had gathered the things I needed and checked myself in the mirror at least six times. I pulled the window open and clambered out of it, not easy for someone of my height, and with that, I was out.

Now, all I had to do was get through a date without messing it up...easy, right?


	3. ''So Much For A Romantic Dinner''

_~M~_

The boy was late and I was becoming impatient. I lay on the new velvet couch I had bought, with real money this time, and relaxed. I knew he would come and my thoughts were confirmed when the buzzer went off. He was only six minutes late, nothing more than a usual person would be but something inside me said that he wasn't one to be late at all.

I pulled myself from the lavish sofa and towards the door, opening it revealing a sweating, nervous Alec. His shirt was beautiful, it was a deep blue and it matched his eyes- I was surprised because it looked like he chose the rest of the outfit himself. It almost seemed out of place but he was nonetheless beautiful and it reminded me why I had done this at all.

'I'm sorry I'm late, I was getting ready. I mean...I don't...don't worry...but I'm really, really sorry.' The words all became one and I could hardly differentiate them but I heard the sorry and that was enough.

'Calm down, Alexander, you're barely late. Five minutes late is impressive to some of the people that have visited before.' Alec looked nervous as I talked of my exes and I dropped the subject immediately. I didn't want this to turn out as bad as some dates had been to recently.

'Come in.' I smiled and motioning him in, trying to stop the atmosphere from being awkward. He seemed relaxed enough but I could tell he was still tense- though all shadowhunters were- so I led him to the sofa and sat down next to him. 

'Where are we going then?' He asked, still catching his breath as we closed in on each other. I leaned in and my lips brushed his. He flushed a bright shade of red, one I was beginning to enjoy seeing, as I spoke. 'Places.' He didn't seem satisfied with my vague answer but I distracted him with the kiss I had been craving since that morning.

This kiss was longer than the one before, we had both been craving this for hours now. I could tell he was much more willing for this kiss than the last one. This one, to my utter disbelief, was so much better.

The fluttering in my stomach that had happened last time was now a storm inside of me. Small sparks flew from my fingers as I tugged on his hair gently, him doing the same to me. This was how I wished all kisses would be: perfection.

We pulled away for the breath at the same time, his much heavier as he was still catching his breath from earlier. We had beaming smiles on our faces and Alec's blush had only grown stronger. 

I stroked his cheek and he immediately went to cover his cheeks as he saw what I was staring out. I shook my head, silently telling him not to be embarrassed. He smiled nervously, 'lead the way,' he whispered and I complied easily.

I immediately led him out of the door and we started walking the streets side by side. I boldly took his hand and he looked around nervously but never made a move to pull away. It was silent and quiet in the streets, contrasting to those I'm sure he was often around in Manhattan.

I had chosen Brooklyn for the quiet and the beauty. It really was an amazing place and I was glad to be living there, although it was an unfortunately long journey from the Institute. I shook my head, I had known this man for a day and I was already acting as if we were far into this relationship.

That was just what he did to me. I was already falling and falling hard I was. Alec was glancing around again and I could see the nervousness in his eyes. It was anxiety I saw in all the people who hadn't come out yet. I sighed but sucked it up- at this point, I would already do anything for him.

I was surprised at the courage he showed when he leaned his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arm around my waist. I couldn't withhold the bright smile and my face and leaned my head upon his for a second before we continued walking in silence, a comfortable silence.

It was all going so well when we found ourselves closer and closer the restaurant, that was when he showed up. It seemed he had come to ruin everything. Of course, he had no awareness of this but the whole romantic date had just fallen through and it was left a rubble I would have to try to clean up. 

Alec had told me, some time after we left the apartment, that all his friends would be out tonight- Jace had somewhere fancy in mind according to him. I believed him- it was a lie. Alec didn't know that; he wouldn't lie to me this early on. 

It turned out that Jace's idea of a fancy meal was booking a table at Taki's in advance and it had just turned out that was where we were heading too. I didn't want to scare Alec away with an extravagant meal so I went somewhere that would be familiar to him, somewhere that he could open up to me. 

Alec tugged his hand roughly out of mine as the blonde came into sight and the head that was resting on my shoulder was removed, leaving my shoulder feeling cold and bare. He brought a hand through his hair to have it covered in glitter meaning he began to shake it wildly to try and get it out.

I immediately dragged him into the alleyway nearest and placed my hands on either shoulder. 'Calm down, Alec. We can just go somewhere else. You should have told me you hadn't told them about who you are yet, though.' I chastised, picking the last bits of glitter out of his hair.

He nodded sadly but didn't say anything as I grabbed his hand and brought him out of the alleyway, dropping it when we came into their sight. We made a beeline away from them but Jace had a caught a glimpse of us when it was just too late.

'Alec?!' He called out in his usual whiny voice, with his confusion made clear by his voice alone. 'Why are you with Magnus Bane?' He asked without giving a second glance at me, ignoring my existence entirely.

Alec's eyes widened and he was about to go into a frenzy of panic if I didn't push in now. I knew he was about to blurt something stupid and I couldn't let him, not with the look on his face. 'Official business, shadowhunter, I have a problem with the other warlocks in Brooklyn getting into the illegal trading market and Alec was the first Nephilim I ran into at the Institute, it seems I found the rest of you.' The lie came out smoothly and I could physically see the tension release from Alec.

By Alec's reactions alone, Jace didn't seem to believe me but with his naivety, he had no clue what else it could be. 'Oh,' was all he said. 'I'll talk after you guys get this over with, Alec.' He finished before running over to the booth where Simon, Izzy, and Clary sat. A double date, how romantic.

'So much for a romantic dinner but it seems we can't leave here, I don't want your friends being suspicious.' I murmured. Alec replied with a nervous laugh and followed me to the booth. 'I guess we'll have to talk business.' I smirked and had to restrain myself from grabbing his hand.

I sat down with a groan, pouting. I was glad that, from where the others were sat, they couldn't see my face. It wasn't every day that someone saw the High Warlock of Brooklyn pouting. 'How long do we have to stay to not come across as suspicious?' I sighed, looking behind me to where the others were laughing at some bad joke.

'I hope not long.' Alec was tense and I could see him itching to get out of here and be somewhere private but it was too late for that so we decided it was best to stay in the area of small talk for at least the next half an hour.

We talked more than just business most of the time, in hushed voices but never did I really find anything knew about him. The awkwardness hung heavily on our shoulders, our first date was ruined and I wanted to murder Jace for that.

It only became worse when we decided to order food to pass the time. It seemed that the waitress couldn't keep her chest out of Alec's face and wouldn't stop making flirtatious remarks that were causing my fists to turn white under the pressure I was putting them in.

He had a blush on his cheeks, embarrassed at the waitress' onslaughts of pick up lines. I couldn't help but feel insecure. I knew this woman was...well, a woman and Alec was definitely into men but a closeted man could do anything and I wasn't ready to let him go just yet.

No, even closeted he wouldn't go for her. I was paranoid and the foreign feeling was beginning to eat away at me. When the waitress left, I was calm again and the awkwardness dimmed down just enough to feel civilised again.

Although the waitress did return a few minutes later, she seemed to have gotten the message and laid our food on the table without a word before leaving. For the next few minutes, we just stared at each other, smiling when the other one notices.

Although, most of the time he seemed to caught up in looking at the table to even notice my looks. 'Alec, are you alright.' I went to put my hand over his but he pulled back, a look of shock on his face. I sighed, forgetting about the invisible barrier that was between us.

'I can't do this. I need to get out of here.' He left without another word, practically running into the cold outside and before I had time to react, his friends were making their way towards me. I rested my head against the booth's seat and waited for the panicked shouting to me.

It wasn't long before I was recieving 'what have you done?' and 'why did he just run off like that?' I didn't answer any of their questions and I stood up, all of them circling me. I shrugged and purpousfully walked out of the doors, leaving no trail of regret. 

I blocked their hateful words out and headed for the only person I needed to see- Alec. I needed to see Alec.


	4. ''I'm A Failure''

_~M~_

In that moment when Alec left the room, there were only four people I hated in this world. I was blinded by anger that they could cause Alec to run away with such sadness in his eyes. Clary, Jace, Simon, and Isabelle had just stood there naively and claimed that it was my doing.

It was all theirs.

I flung myself outside, looking around with a panicked expression. I ran until I found him and find him I did. The alleyway was not far from the restaurant and was completely surrounded by cracked adobe bricks, uncommon to find in even America.

Alec was huddled, his knees to his chest as he let the tears fall freely onto his cheeks. Until then, I hadn't realised just how upset he was. I couldn't help but feel, in that moment alone, that maybe I was to blame.

He couldn't have been so upset just because of his friends, could he? I couldn't decipher his thoughts. Even as a warlock, I had no ability to see into another's mind.

'Alec?' I called out, giving him a pitying smile- a bad choice. He looked up at me and a raspy sob escaped him.

'Alec, it's alright.' I soothed, approaching him carefully. I got close enough to touch him but he flinched away.

'Don't.' He growled, scuttling away. A wave of pain washed over me but I remained quiet for a few seconds to let him calm down.

'You need to tell me what happened to cause this, Alec. I know that you aren't ready to tell them yet but what caused...this.' I motioned to him, leaning in. I wiped the tears from his cheeks and this time he let me.

He shook his head when I pulled away. 'I'm a failure.' He cried, another few tears rolling down his cheeks.

'What?' I asked, thinking I had misheard. I hated the idea that he would call himself such things. I wanted Alec to love himself for all that he was because he was beautiful and I hadn't remembered a time when I had fallen so quickly for a man or a woman- and a shadowhunter no less. 

'I'm weak and a coward, Magnus. I want to tell them about you... but I can't! I'm weak. How am I supposed to fight demons, be a shadowhunter when I can't even tell those around me what my own sexuality is.' Another weak sob escaped Alec's throat as I brought him into my arms for a careful embrace.

'Alec,' I began in the calmest, soothing voice I could muster, 'you are the bravest man I know. Coming out is never easy, impossible sometimes but-' I cut myself off, I couldn't admit it, not yet. I couldn't utter those three words that could drive him away. I couldn't utter those words the meant that this relationship was real.

'You're amazing.' I smiled, bringing him out of my arms and letting my palm cup his cheek. 'You protect others over yourself. I haven't known you for long-' I laughed. 'Well, I've known you for about a day...' I laughed harder watching his lips quirk up. 'But I can see it. You care about others so much that it's fine to keep this thing to yourself just this once and when you're ready, you will say it with pride.' 

I wanted so desperately to utter those words then and there but, as I said, I had known him for a day- maybe just more. We had rushed this so much. We were a burning flame that I never wanted to extinguish. But, this had happened before and I didn't want it to happen again.

I didn't want Alec to be a fling, a one off. I wanted to fall for him, I wanted to love him and I wanted to be with him until the end of his days- and maybe even mine. That was why I couldn't utter those words. I was too selfish in this relationship to say those words, too afraid.

'You are not a coward.' I repeated. 'You're amazing.' Alec's gaze caught mine and his face lit up, as did mine. He frantically stood, pulling me with him and smashed his lips to mine. He kissed me with so much passion that I almost backed away but I didn't. This was too perfect to back away from.

I felt butterflies in my stomach again. This was the shy, nervous Alec kissing me- kissing me like there was no tomorrow. It seemed that every hour I was learning something new about this kid and I loved it.

I pushed him up against the wall, deepening the kiss, moaning in pure ecstasy. That was the worst timing of my life because, at that moment, someone cleared their throat from the end of the alleyway.

Alec and I rushed away and paused before glancing at who was there. Isabelle. I shot her a glare that was worthy as a weapon. There I was, making Alec happy and his idiotic, naive sister just had to interrupt.

Alec winced when he saw her, his cheeks blushing red. I could only assume that she knew, I saw no fear- only embarrassment. Maybe she didn't know about us but she sure as hell knew who he preferred in the gender department.

Silence fell that was interrupted after seconds. A smile twitched on her lips and grew just as large as Alec's was only seconds ago. 'I knew it!' She squealed, making both me and Alec flinch. 'Alec has a boyfriend!' The pitch was high enough to rip my eardrums but I shook it off with a silent laugh, my shoulders shaking slightly.

I was glad to see Alec smiling again when I glanced over. It was clear that this was the reaction had hoped for and although he hadn't expected this, I could see he was over the moon- though his blush told a different story.

Isabelle slammed herself against Alec as if she were a tonne of bricks and hugged him so hard that I could practically see his lungs being crushed. I laughed again, making no move to help, reveling in Alec's slowly reddening face- at this rate it would reach purple.

I began to walk away, looking back to Izzy and Alec who were both stood silence. 'See you soon.' I winked and headed back to my apartment, happier than I had been in a while.

_~A~_

I stared incredulously at Izzy. Have I got a boyfriend? I have a boyfriend. I couldn't believe it. And, most of all, my boyfriend was Magnus Bane- the high warlock of Brooklyn! My shocked expression faded to one of embarrassment as I reigned my emotions in and took a step back from Isabelle.

I could feel the heavy blush on my cheeks as if it were a burn. Then the realisation dawned on me. 'Isabelle, you can't tell anyone of this.' I panicked, my eyes wide and my thoughts wandering to all the worst possible scenarios. 

She sighed, her smile dimming, but nodded, understanding why I had asked this of her. 'Come on, you need to come back. The others were wondering where you went. Be prepared to lie, though, Alec. If you're not going to tell them you will only have to tell more lies.' She warned, looking up at me with pleading eyes. But, I shook my head. I would only say when I was ready- even if I didn't know when that was.

She led me back into Taki's and towards their booth just behind the one I had been sitting in a while before. I sat down in a daze, unaware of what was happening around me as my mind brought itself to the topic of Magnus- again.

I was falling, hard and there was no doubt, even after a day, that I liked him- really liked him. He was my first but it couldn't be more perfect. I knew that there would be dips and there would be highs but I was ready to go through that with him.

Magnus was special to me and I could already myself reeling him into the family. I cared for him almost as much as I cared for my family, who I had known for years. It wasn't stupidity- or maybe it was. Yes, actually, it was. I was naive and I had known a man a day and I had already thought of him as one of my family. 

I was naive, as I would stay for the next few weeks. 

Jace broke me out of my reverie, a smirk playing on his face as he brought his hands in front of my face. 'Alec!' Jace laughed, seeing I had finally broken out of my thoughts. He seemed to be waiting for an answer. 'So?' He drew out the O, still waiting for an answer.

All I could say was, 'yes?' It brought a laugh around the table as they all laughed at my obliviousness to the question. I didn't mind, the distraction let me fall back into my thoughts and without a worry, the night went on.

Sure, I was questioned on why I left but never were they suspicious of the reason I gave them. They trusted me and maybe that was their downfall but I was glad, glad to be cared about.

-

A week later, back at the Institute, I was rushing to get my clothes on. It was the evening and I was getting ready to go over to Magnus'. I had texted him earlier on in the day telling him I was coming. I missed him and I was sure he missed me too so we both agreed on a time and he told me to come to his. I was glad, I wanted privacy.

'Izzy, I'm leaving!' I called out and got a muffled reply that I assumed was her goodbye. I immediately felt the excitement bubble up in my stomach. Magnus and I had texted over the last week with sweet little messages and I few deeper phone conversations but nothing could be better than seeing him in person.

I felt clingy for being so desperate to see him but I could hear he was just as desperate as I was. I glanced at my watch that I had gotten for my last birthday and realised I was late- again. I was always punctual but it seemed that I put so much effort into my appearance for Magnus that it didn't seem to be the case anymore. Not that Magnus had ever mentioned when I had looked bad but I liked to impress, especially with his style obsession. 

I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down before rushing out of the door, walking at a fast but reasonable pace. When I rushed out, I saw Izzy come out of the kitchen, giving me a little wave and a smirk. I smiled back to her but didn't say a word and before I knew it I had reached Magnus' apartment.

I pressed my finger against the button and I heard the buzzer go off and waited a couple seconds before I got an angry response in reply. 'Who dares interrupt the High Warlock of Brooklyn.' I laughed timidly at Magnus' raging voice and answered with a shaky voice.

'It's me...wait, you can't see me.' A heavy blush fell upon my cheeks and I was glad he couldn't see me.

'Come on up, Alec.' He laughed, unlocking the door from his apartment.

'How did you know it was me?' I asked, shocked.

'I think what you said explains it all.' I blushed even heavier and opened the door, stepping inside and making my way up the stairs. 

When I found myself in the corridor, Magnus was already waiting for me. He smirked and approached me, bringing me into a gentle kiss that ended all too soon. 'I'm sorry I'm late.' I muttered but he said nothing and brought my lips back to his, this one more desperate than the last.

'Wow.' He breathed, pulling away. 'I didn't realise how much I missed that.' I turned a deep shade of red, almost representing a tomato. I looked up to see his amazing eyes, he had no glamour on them and I watched them as they danced under the small, flickering light in the hallway. For how beautiful Magnus' apartment was, the complex itself was surprisingly run down.

We simply looked at each other for what could have been an eternity, our arms wrapped around each other and smiles visible on our faces. It was all too soon when it was broken by Magnus unraveling his arms and leading me to the small kitchenette.

My stomach growled at the perfect time, just as he placed some simple looking eggs in front of me. I was more than grateful, though. They tasted delicious and I starving at this point, I hadn't eaten since before morning training.

When I was done, we both made our way into the living room, making small talk with small smiles on our faced. I was surprised to see his apartment tidier than ever as if he had cleaned it just for me.

'The place looks beautiful.' I told him, his smile widening at the compliment. He said his thanks and we made our way to the sofa together. We sat down, intertwining ourselves. Within seconds, his lips were on mine again and that familiar yet riveting sensation was back.

This time was slower, more loving and I tried to portray just how much I cared about him- how much I missed him- without the use of my stuttering and unreliable words. I still felt guilty that I hadn't told him that these were my first kisses but there was no need to know. We cared about each other, we had both made that clear.

The night rolled on and our conversations were being drawn to an end. The moon was high in the sky as I placed my head on his shoulder, drifting in a comfortable and dreamless sleep.


	5. ''Jace Thinks You Like Girls''

_~A~_

Despite sleeping well, it seemed that Magnus had not and when I was woken up in the middle of the night I was less than happy. Without even a glance at the clock, though, we began talking. We talked in riddles- tired, delirious speech. 

Sadly, through this delirious and tired state, I hadn't realised that I was not supposed to stay the night. My siblings would panic, they noticed when someone was gone- they would only assume the worst. 

Whilst Magnus was speaking, only slightly more awake than before, I glanced at the clock. Sh*t, it was five o'clock. I was running over six hours late. Izzy knew if I was going somewhere, the latest I would ever come was around eleven. They would assume that I had been attacked. Well, everyone but Izzy- she would have to feign panic to cover for me.

How would I explain this? Could I say that I had to stay at a mundane motel because of late night fighting? No, that wouldn't make sense. Could I say that...No, I had nothing else. I had no ideas of what to say, how to get out of this. I was royally f*cked.

'Magnus.' I whispered, in a state of shock, a few seconds after Magnus ended his rambled. He turned to me, his movements slow in the haze of semi-consciousness. I wanted to speak again but the scenarios were running through my head like wildfire. It was too late to get back before any of them woke up- I was too late, and I had no excuse nor was I in a good enough state to face them. I was just as tired as Magnus was. 

But, I knew I did have one option and that was to rely on Isabelle. She knew what was going on and she would cover for me if need be. She was a great sister when she needed to me but I was worried that her tendency to gossip would only cause me greater turmoil than I was already suffering under now.

'Alec?' He murmured, his words slurring though not enough for him to seem drunk. I shook my head and rested my legs off the side of the bed, clutching my head in my hands. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my torso and leaning his head on my shoulder.

'What's wrong?' He mumbled, almost falling asleep on my shoulder there and then. I didn't answer, reaching forward for my phone. I opened it to see no new messages, they must have gone to sleep assuming I would come back. But, when they woke up and I still wasn't there and with Valentine on the loose, I knew my phone would be ringing endlessly.

Sighing, glad that I had enough time to think of an excuse, I had remembered that Magnus had spoken. 'My siblings, they're going to think something has happened to me.' I mumbled, frantically, my breath picking up a pace as it hit me harder than it did before. I wished, then, that I had just kept it to myself. It sounded so trivial when I said it aloud.

He hadn't seemed to have heard it though and he was now fast asleep on my shoulder, somehow finding it easier to sleep now than it had been in his luxurious bed. 'Magnus!' I hissed, shaking my shoulder, hoping to wake him up.

'What?' He mumbled, grouchily, in the same raspy voice he had been talking with all night.

'I have to go.' I whispered, laying him back on the bed and frantically pulling my clothes on that were scattered around the room. I approached the bed and gave him a chaste kiss before pulling away but he had a tight grip around my waist, restricting my movement.

'Text them and say you had to stay over here because we had to work overnight due to demonic activity reported in the area. Say it's sorted now and there is no need to come and investigate, though, I want a little more time with you.' He mumbled as I stared at him, awestruck.

'How can you come up with that in this state? You really are amazing.' I laughed, lying back down next to him on the bed, texting Isabelle. It was true Magnus was good at excuses but somehow he had managed to make one more detailed and more sensical than mine whilst in an oddly delirious state.

I smiled at Magnus, putting my phone down, and cuddled up next to him, laying my head on his bare chest, drawing invisible patterns on his skin. I knew I would still have to leave soon so I enjoyed the time I had and wallowed in the peacefulness of it all.

We lay there until a sensible time of day and were only interrupted by the loud ringing of my phone. I looked over to see the one called ID I thought I would never see- my mother. Panic set in and I began to send a frantic message to Izzy.

_Why is Mum calling me? Are they home? Are they worried? Did you not tell them?_

I waited less than a minute, my foot bouncing up and down in a quick yet frantic rhythm. Magnus looked at me as if I was crazy but did not move from his spot on the bed and simply tried to sleep again, knowing that it would be nothing important to him.

_Don't worry, Alec. It's just Jace trying to scare you XD He doesn't believe your excuse- though I said it perfectly!- and thinks you're with a girl! Be back by breakfast!_

I sighed but something about the message set me on edge. I had wanted to come out to Jace for a long time but knowing him, he would believe it was a prank and I didn't think I could deal with that. 

As I finished reading the message, sending back an  _okay_ to Isabelle, I heard a raucous laugh behind me. It seemed whilst I was reading the message, Magnus had appeared behind me and read it to. 

By now, his back had hit the bed and his laugh was filling the room. It brought a smile to my face just seeing him laugh but I couldn't help but let the confusion show too.

'Hey! What's so funny?' I hit his arm playfully, a smile still dancing on my face. 

'I forget that Jace thinks you like girls.' Magnus laughed, wiping the tears off his face, still stifling his laughter. I glared at him playfully to which he only laughed louder than before. 'You're glare is adorable!' He heaved, his breath gone.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he giggled like a small child and the sight sent another small smile to my face. Magnus looking so innocent was beautiful and I couldn't help but bring my lips back to his, smiling against them as we kissed.

We lay down back on the bed, my on top of him when I groaned and pulled away- leaving him with a small pout. 'I have to go, you know that.' I smiled gently, cupping his cheek with my hand, brushing my thumb against his cheek. 

Magnus placed his arms around my waist and pulled my towards him, bringing his lips to my ear. 'I'm not going to let you leave, you know.' He laughed quietly as I blushed like a love sick teenager, that unfortunately, because of my age, I was.

I stared at him for minutes, examining his eyes to try and catch a lie but I found none. He wasn't going to let me go. 'Fine.' I smiled, not caring about the consequences. Although, I knew somewhere in my mind that the consequences could be severe- especially when it came to Isabelle's temper.

We both giggled which soon turned into fully fledged laughter at how girlish the two of us were acting. I brought my lips to his and for the next few hours, we stayed just like that.

It was all ruined when  _she_ had to turn up. We both heard a knock on the door which we ignored in favour of kissing each other again but we had no idea that only a few seconds later that  _the girl_  would storm into Magnus' room. That girl was Izzy.

I stumbled away from Magnus, not caring that I was now revealing that I was only in my boxers to my sister. She stared at me, not caring at my lack of attire, and I could see the rage boiling under her skin. 'Why the hell are you still here!?' She hissed, approaching him, not giving a second glance to Magnus who was now looking at both of us fearfully.

'Why? What time is it?' I asked, glancing at the clock. Eleven...in the afternoon. I was late, really late, more so than before. 'Sorry?' I mumbled, grabbing my top and throwing it on. She took another step towards me, watching as both Magnus and I flinched back.

The consequences were only now just setting in and I was afraid. My sister was capable of anything and I was fearful to see just how far she would go for this. 


	6. ''Seven, Tomorrow''

_~A~_

The words were stuck in my throat- I said nothing. I couldn't say anything. I was stuck, frozen as my sister looked ablaze before me. I swallowed anxiously and took a step towards but as I went to move my leg, I found myself paralysed.

If Isabelle had been ablaze before, she was a fully-fledged bonfire by now. Her fists were clenched and her breathing was ragged and something within me had to ask what had made her so angry that it could have led to this. 

She took a step towards me and my only reaction was to take a step back. I was so used to protecting her that it felt wrong to be the other side of her wrath. It was as if I was the demon now if this continued her whip could be around my neck.

I had a lack of training with her, too. Jace was my training partner, that was how it worked with parabatai. I hadn't fought my sister in a long time; I never had the nerve to. I was afraid to hurt her so even on the rare occasion we did fight, I conceded fast enough for the fight to be declared no more than a flash of her whip.

Each step towards me that she took, I took a step back until I had reached my final destination and my back was pressed against the brick wall of the apartment. In my peripheral vision, I could see Magnus looking upon the situation, a flash of panic in his eyes when the unexpected happened.

Isabelle had turned on the balls of her feet, her fists ready to punch and that she did. Her fist landed on the bridge of Magnus' nose and a sickening crunch rang throughout the room. I was shocked back into paralysis- no words coming out of my mouth and no muscles allowing me to move.

After seconds of a hanging silence in the air, I cried out, 'Magnus!' My intentions were clear enough. I made my way to Magnus' side and placed my hand on his shoulders, trying to get a clearer look at his nose. 

I turned around furiously, my eyes now matching the fury in Isabelle's before. All I saw in hers was guilt. She had acted irrationally and only now had it set in. I looked back to Magnus, sending her daggers beforehand. What had got us so riled up, I still didn't truly know. This wasn't the first time that I had been late. I often got caught up in hospital after a fight and was unable to contact them. She had always been upset them but never mad, what had changed?

'Are you okay?' I moved Magnus' hand away from his face to see he had already healed his nose. I smiled at him nervously. 'Sorry?' I said, not sure of what I was apologising for. I guess, bringing Isabelle here but I really had to blame her for that. But, I apologised profusely often for smaller reasons than now but Magnus only laugh. Although, his laugh sounded crueler than anything.

'I'm okay.' He muttered, looking around to see Isabelle trembling behind me. I turned back to Magnus to see Isabelle and I weren't the only ones furious. He gently pushed me out of the way and approached Isabelle. When he reached her, he looked down, looming over her as if a demonic shadow. He was a foot taller than her if not more and her trembling legs only emphasised that fact.

'Why?' He asked, his voice menacing. I had never seen this side of Magnus- the side that he used for what I assume would be many customers. I had only ever seen him joyous, juvenile even, and seeing him like this sent a shiver down my spine. But, I wasn't scared. There was something more fascinating about the situation. 

'Alec could have been in danger! Instead, he is just here with you. I don't call that a valid excuse for making me tell everyone that Alec could be dead!' She raised her voice nearing the end of her sentence, turning it into a loud screech by the end of it. Her fury had returned and the guilt she had felt only moments ago was gone.

'How could you do that when you knew he was here with me?!' His voice echoed around his room, his voice strong and authoritative. 

'I didn't! I couldn't be sure!' She pleaded, looking like a puppy lost in the dark. She was scraping for excuses now and she could see the fault in her actions.

'So you didn't think to come and check. You simply stormed in here and punched me!' He jabbed her chest with his finger, surprising her and sending her a few steps back. I didn't want to admit that the argument was starting to scare me a bit and I knew that Magnus had seen it.

He stared me down, looking down at my trembling legs. 'I'm sorry.' He whispered into my ear as he dragged me into a comforting hug. 'But, you better go.' He continued and I nodded sadly. I didn't want to leave but it was clear I had no choice. Magnus wasn't kicking me out but he was doing exactly that to Isabelle and from the look on her face, I would have to leave with her.

I sighed and stormed forward, clutching her arm painfully tight and brought her out of the loft, giving Magnus one last look before I left. And now, it was my turn to be angry.

-

Six days later and I had heard nothing. Magnus had assured me that his nose was as good as new over text but I hadn't heard his voice and I was starting to miss him. There wasn't a reason we hadn't seen each other apart from being busy with our own lives but I felt the need to take a break in my hectic training schedule to meet him.

I had fallen for Magnus hard and it was becoming clearer each and every day as my chest tightened at the thought of not going to see him again soon. I had wanted to say those three words so many times yet I had never found the time nor the place to do so.

I hadn't had the guts to call him either. It felt too forward. I hadn't done the 'relationship thing' before and I was struggling to come to grips that I had found someone when I had thought I never would.

What I was more surprised at was that Magnus hadn't called. I believed he cared for me but I could be wrong in so many ways. Maybe he didn't care for me the way I did him. Or maybe, he cared too. Both were such feasible explanations that I couldn't help but panic over which was true.

I stared at my phone and felt it staring back at me. I debated whether to just grab it and hit his contact or whether to let time pass and wait for him to call me. I was stuck; I couldn't separate my arguments. My mind was muddled and an excuse for one was becoming an excuse for the other. In the end, I never did pick up that phone.

I hadn't talked to anyone else, either. I was too angry at Isabelle to face her and after we had left, our row had left me restless. Jace, I had a problem with too and that problem came in the form of a short red-haired girl named Clary. I hadn't seen him in days and he was too caught up in the girl to think of his own parabatai. Shamefully, I couldn't say I was much different, though.

I looked back at my phone and wished for it to ring. I stared at it for minutes until the inevitable happened, it rang. I was frozen for less than a second before my brain went into overdrive and my hand smashed over it, clasping it in my already sweaty hand. I looked at the screen and saw the familiar picture of Magnus that he had set as his contact picture himself.

Without thinking, I hit accept and brought it to my ear. 'Alec speaking.' I mentioned, trying to gauge some response from him. I had become so desperate that I even wished for him to tease me. I had become a shadow of my former self yet I preferred this me. I preferred how much braver I was, how much stronger my emotions were. I felt empowered and it was something I didn't feel often, even when fighting demons.

'Of course it is, Alexander.' I smiled at his answer and sighed a quiet sigh of relief as I heard the happy, yet nervous, tone of his voice.

'I'm glad you called.' I laughed nervously and smiled, not minding that he couldn't see it.

'Me too.' He whispered and for the next few seconds, we both just wallowed in the feeling of the other being just a word away. 

'Magnus, I was wondering...' my sentence trailed off and I took a deep breath, silently reassuring myself. 'I wondered if you maybe wanted to go on another date?' I asked. 'Hopefully more successful than last time.' I laughed nervously, trying to cover my embarrassment for the scene I had caused just a week ago. To my surprise, he agreed immediately.

'Seven, tomorrow.' He stated, leaving no room for argument and I smiled knowing Magnus was back to his usual self. Although, I debated whether I could wait that long. 

'I'll see you tomorrow then.' I smiled and hung up. I suddenly felt a lot happier than before and I bounded out into the corridors and to get some food, a smile on my face- an unusual sight for even those who knew me best. Only then did I realise just how hungry I was. I must have only eaten four times in the last six days and along with my training regime, I felt as if I had been running on nothing.

When I stepped out, I was surprised by the burning sensation that the light caused me. Had it been that long since I had seen sunlight. I sighed, squinting my eyes, and continued on my way. 'Izzy!' I called out, a venom laced within the words although, I still hoped she would answer.

'Yes?' She called back. My voice being too hoarse to speak, I went into the kitchen and faced Izzy, knowing that I would have to do it sooner or later. I didn't forgive her but at that moment, getting something into my stomach was more important.

We didn't start any conversation and I ignored her offer of soup and got a ready-meal out of the fridge and stuck in the microwave- healthy. After a few minutes, Jace walked in, hand in hand with Clary. I sighed, my good mood dulled as I looked at the lovey-dovey couple in the room.

No matter how much I cared about Magnus, I still couldn't let go of the feelings I had harboured for Jace.  'So, Alec...'Jace began, his lips tugging up at the sides. 'I heard some news about you.' I froze, even though the food was done. Once again, I was paralysed. In that moment I knew, he had finally figured it out.


	7. ''I'm Not Telling Them''

_~A~_

Jace paused, hesitating to say what he had withheld for so long. The words escaping his ears didn't come as a shock. 'You know Alec...' he couldn't help himself but pause as he faced me. Izzy stood awkwardly beside me but seemed glad for the final realisation whilst I knew Clary had probably been the one to hint it to Jace. 'You're gay aren't you?' I hadn't expected any subtly from him and even his hesitation had come as a small surprise so as he finally said it I felt- free?

It was the one thing I never expected to feel. Jace, as my parabatai, had always been kind and loving to me but I expected this would change everything but every word he said was sincere and kind. He accepted me for who I was and always would. I still felt an overbearing self-consciousness but as everyone looked at me all I saw was love, friendship or family. Even Clary had a look of compassion masking her features.

I nodded. I opened my mouth, to immediately shut it again. Silence fell and was only interupted footsteps and a sudden pair of arms wrap around me: Jace's. I wanted desperately to return it but my mind churned out reasons not to. What if he figured out I like him? Does he know I have a boyfriend yet? Each excuse was worst than the last.

I brought myself out of his arms and he looked at me curiously. Izzy and Clary were obviously holding in their snickers as they stood behind Jace, knowing my reasoning. I shook my head and Jace seemed to back down. He took Clary's hand. 'We're going to go up to the greenhouse...and Alec? I'm proud of you.' His words brought a smile to my face and not only a smile a massive one. Izzy looked at me weirdly.

'What?' I asked her.

'It's just that I haven't seen you smile that often and almost never like that.' She smiled and I brought her in to a hug. 'I'm just so happy that you told him.' I nodded and then rested my head on hers.

'I feel just a bit more free. But Izzy...' I paused.

'What?' She asked, taking a step back.

'I'm still not telling mum and dad.' I knew she understood. We both knew they wouldn't be understanding about it, like all shadowhunters were. We all knew that the older generation didn't accept anyone different and homophobia was part of their norm. Apparently, it wasn't too different in human culture either.

She sighed and nodded before speaking. 'I'm meeting up with Simon now. I'll see you later.' She waved and started walking away but I grabbed her arm. She raised an eyebrow at me and I only just realised how hard I was clutching her arm.

'Why you hanging out with the mundane?' I asked, extremely surprised.

'He wanted advice on Clary and I accepted. I just need to break it to him that Clary's a shadowhunter now and with Jace- he can't do anything about it.' I let go of her arm and shouted 'good luck!' before she went to get ready.

I suddenly felt very alone but remembered having Magnus' number on my phone so I decided to text him. Just by coincidence, before I even opened the texting app, I received a message from Magnus.

_Hi Babe,_

_If it went well do you wanna come round celebrate ;)_

_ps. If not, still come round...._

_C u soon x_

I smiled but wasn't that amused that he called me babe. Alec was the only nickname I had ever accepted but there was no stopping Magnus. I texted him back saying I would be right there and that all went well and got changed, ready to walk over to Magnus.

I pulled my sweater over my head and was ready to go over to his when a portal appeared right next to me. A jolt of fear went through me, what if Valentine finally got here? But in my room?! All was explained when I got another text from Magnus.

_Just go through it, babe x_

I stepped through cautiously but when I went through, I landed straight in Magnus' apartment. I laughed, 'you didn't have to do that, you know?' Magnus came into the room, smirking.

'I would do anything for you, Alexander.' I blushed and failed at hiding it behind my hair. He came over to me and brushed my hair behind my ears. 'I like your blush, its cute.' It only made me blush more and I just gazed into his eyes in hopes for a distraction.

We stood like that for to long before Magnus broke it. 'All went well then?' I smiled and nodded, heading over to the couch, knowing he wouldn't mind me making myself comfortable. 'I always knew it. Next stop, parents.' My smile faded and Magnus seemed confused.

'Come on, Magnus! You know my parents.' Realisation hit his eyes.

'I always forget who your parents are. I don't know how they created such a perfect child when they're both so horrible.' I smiled gently, knowing Magnus was just trying to cheer me up. I glossed over how much he was offending my parents.

He came to sit next to me and draped his arm over my shoulder. Feeling bolder than usual, I snuggled into his side. I wasn't a soppy romantic but with Magnus I suddenly felt like I could do anything. He was my first relationship and I already wanted so desperately for it to be my last. Just to stay like we are now forever but of course, that would never happen.

Seven hours later and we were still holding each other on the sofa, I felt content, but it couldn't last forever and I knew I would have to leave soon. The thought only made me snuggle closer to him, he chuckled quietly and brought his hand to my head and started fiddling with my hair.

I giggled, something I never thought I would do, and felt that life couldn't get much better. Maybe it couldn't because what was just around the corner would send everything to pieces.


	8. ''Dying Young Is A Tragedy''

_~A~_

Magnus' arms were still wrapped tight around me. I smiled up at him and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips but he wasn't taking it and brought me in further, making me blush deeply. I couldn't help but giggle like a girl and my blush only got heavier, which then in turn made it even more heavy- I thought I was going to burn. It's what Magnus always did to me.

He stopped suddenly and reached for the remote. 'I forgot, they have new episodes of America's next top model and I NEED to watch them.' I laughed and snuggled into his side again when the buzzer went off. I sighed and kissed Magnus' cheek, do you want me to get it. He smiled at me and nodded.

We were still in the early stages of our relationship but I felt like we lived together and were married- maybe I was clingy. Maybe I was desperate but Magnus had already said he loved me and that was all I needed to know. I'd never had a heartbreak and I hoped I would never have to go through one.

I went to the door and opened it, revealing a tired Jace. 'We found the cup!" He screamed and I stumbled back in surprise as he burst into the room. Magnus paused the TV and looked at Jace curiously.

'Having a fun time, boys.' He winked and we both just scowled at him.

'Jace, you said you had the cup. Explain.' I demanded, not having time for his rambling.

'Clary, she has this- this ability. She reached into paper and takes the picture and makes it real. Like a true artist.' He smiled as he talked of her and I felt a pit of the bottom of my stomach. No matter how much I liked Magnus, I couldn't imagine not having some sort of feeling for Jace. 'Her mum had the same ability. The power also works in reverse so she can put real life objects into a drawing. Her mother hid the cup in a tarot card. It's now being stored at the Institute and we need as many people to guard it before it goes to Alicante. That includes you, Magnus.' He pointed at him.

'Also, I just have to add this, if you ever hurt my brother- I will rip your head off.' I knew it was an empty threat but I felt panicked for Magnus. The blush didn't help as he threatened my, hopefully, boyfriend. Magnus just smirked and ignored the comment.

'Should we leave then?' He asked and gracefully lifted himself from the couch. Jace and I both nodded and head for the door. Jace was the first to leave and knowingly shut the door behind him.

'We have the cup.' I smiled widely, a smile I seemed to only have with Magnus. He smiled back and pulled me into a hug.

'I don't mean to sound pessimistic, Alec, but please be careful. You are a lot younger than me and a lot of things are after that cup and dying young is a tragedy.' He had a far off look in his eye. I assumed it was something from his past but had no evidence to prove my theory but instinct.

I gave him one last hug and murmured, 'I'll be fine' before following Jace outside. We all had glamours and got to the subway without trouble, unless you count Jace's endless innuendoes about Magnus and I. I ignored them and tried to erase the brewing panic that was bubbling inside me.

When the train left the station, I finally brought it up. 'Somethings wrong.' I stared into space, seeing neither of their reactions. 'I can feel it.' I panicked inside but kept up a sturdy facade. I didn't like to show my fear.

'I know you have good instinct, Alec. But, the Institute is well guarded. Nothing can get us there.' Jace replied, I wanted to believe him but I found myself only digging myself further into the hole of fear. My breathing became ragged and Magnus seemed to start panicking too. Although, I think it was over me more than anything else.

'Calm down, Alec.' He cooed as he pulled me into a tight hug. For the first time in my life, I didn't mind this show of affection in public. I knew none of these people and he was the only one to pull me out of the hole I had dug myself into.

The train pulled up to the stop and Jace interrupted our moment as he tugged me from Magnus' arms and tore down the streets, with me in tow.

'You're right, Alec.' I surprised by his confession and was about to laugh but when I saw his face set in the way I had only seen before battle, I readied myself for attack. 'Look.' He pointed over to the Institute as Magnus caught up and looked at us curiously. I squinted and struggled to see what he saw but was shocked as the image became clearer.

Eight shax demons lined the door, protecting everything inside- or more likely, blocking entrance to anyone else. 'You ready?' Jace asked and I nodded, hesitantly. Eight was a lot less than we were used to but what I was worried about wasn't them, it was whatever that would be revealed when we passed them.

'Let's do this.'


	9. ''If This Stains...''

_~A~_

We cut down demon after demon, each one more painfully than the last. We were all exhausted and too tired to fight again, what would be our fatal mistake. 'They're all gone.' I breathed as Jace struck the last one through the neck, letting the blood and gore pour out. I looked over at Magnus who put on a brave face but looked like he was holding back the sick as the blood poured under his shoes. 'Black stains.' He muttered, trying to shake it off.

His usual comments about fashion brought me back to a sense of familiarity as I tried to regain my strength. We need to get inside, the others are in there. 'Alec wait!' Jace shouted but it was too late, the doors were open and I had stepped right into the trap.

-

When I woke up, I was engulfed in darkness. The only light coming from a small window on my right. I recognised it as one of the attic rooms, one of the few rooms to have little natural light. They were the ones I grew up in.

Before Jace had come, when I was eleven, I had slept and sometimes even trained in these rooms. They were filled with small and insignificant memories but to me, it was a happy time. Of course, Jace is my parabatai and brought light to my life but before then, everything had been so simple. We could only train, there were no runes back then. It felt human...and being human was so simple, so simple that I missed it.

I traced the room with my finger, searching for little scraps of my old stuff. I came across a few pieces of homework and even a small toy that I never liked but nothing striking came out. It was cleared surprisingly thoroughly.

I finally went to the door and pushed it open. It didn't move an inch. I pulled, hoping it was just a mistake but it wouldn't budge either way.

I kicked it, hoping the hinges would loosen but nothing worked. I wondered how even got into the room, the last thing I remembered was...the trap.

I screamed out in frustration, kicking the door once again. This time, a lot harder. Nothing happened.

Nothing ever happened.

For hours, minutes or maybe just seconds, nothing happened.

_~M~_

I woke up, after running to follow Alec. Hoping that he wouldn't be tormented alone but as I saw, I was already alone. 'Alec!' I called out but gained no answer in return. 'Alec!' I screamed, fearful of where he could be. 'Alec, please!' I pleaded, begging for an answer.

Nothing came.

'Alec.' I whispered, still no answer- but of course he would not hear my last cry. My plan came into action only minutes later, a plan that proved my obliviousness to my surroundings- I went and knocked on every door.

Of course, if you were rational, you would search for any signs of sound or movement but in my state of utter terror, it led me to that moment.

Knock. No answer.

Knock. Nothing.

Knock? This was going to be a while.

Five knocks later. Emptiness.

But, on the ninth- bang. It didn't seem to be in response to my knock, in fact, they almost happened at the same time.

The crash was loud, louder than expected. Someone's full force had been put against the door, someone was trying to break it down- Alec.

Although, there was still a problem. If he could not hear me only nine doors down as I screamed as loud as a man could, how would he hear me now?

I knocked again, no answer. The room was being protected, that much was clear. Was I even sure it was Alec? Jace could be in there too. 'Alec!' I called out, my voice wavering in panic. 'Alec, please!' I begged. No answer.

I was alone.

I was without Alec and I was scared. I banged on the door, again, again, again. Nothing...again. 'Alec. I know you probably can't hear me but I'm begging you, please just answer.' I had never felt so useless in my life. My first time I could truly show Alec my feelings was lost as one barrier stood between us. I raised my palm, blue sparks flickering from my fingertips. I tried to detect magic and couldn't seem to find anything. There was only one thing that I couldn't seem to trace, runes. That meant only one thing- Valentine.

I smashed my fist on the door, letting it crack under my fist. Wait, crack? I looked over to see the door splinter. Immediately I pressed my hand to it, there was a crack. The door was destructible. I didn't care how long it would take to smash the stupid door down, knowing that my magic couldn't solve anything this time, I would do it: I would do it to prove Alec wrong. I wasn't selfish for the ones I care about and I could prove that.

And so, I began breaking the doorframe down one crack at a time.

_~A~_

I slammed against the door again. Crack. I peered over my shoulder and there it was- a crack. I traced the line with my finger and smiled. I could break free. I would be able to save them. My instincts set in and I kicked the door letting splinters fly to the ground.

I kicked with as much force as I could muster and it worked, slowly, the door was coming down.

A small smile formed on his face. If there was one thing Alec could be motivated by, it was Hope.

Alec hated the idea of hope, it always let him down...but now, there was a glimpse and that was the only thing giving him strength. So, he let it.


	10. ''Look After Him For Me''

_~A~_

It hurt. My shoulder felt as if it were on fire and my feet were crushed after each bone-shattering kick. 'Please.' I begged, though there was nothing to reply to. I was oblivious to the man on the other side of the door that heard every pound of my fist as I heard nothing. I heard no begging, I heard no banging- I was alone in the world. It was as if my worst fear was becoming reality.

'Someone.' I pleaded but there was still nothing. I wanted to rest, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be free but I knew none of those were possible.

I was stuck and I was alone. So, I gave up. The glimpse of hope that was once in my eye was extinguished as the crack in the door had hardly extended. It had begun at only a centimetre and it couldn't be more than fifteen now.

I had no idea of time but what I could only have believed was forty-five minutes later was there finally a noise. I was hunched over on the bed, my face in my hands when I finally heard a noise that wasn't the irritating tap of my own foot on the hardwood flooring. I glanced up to see a shadow in the corner of the room. 'I'm sorry, Alec.' I recognised that voice but it wasn't the one I wanted to hear.

'Hodge?' I whispered into the darkness. 'Hodge, are you alright?' I asked warily, his voice didn't sound quite right, nor did his sentence. 'Is something wrong, Hodge?' Still silence.

'I really am sorry, Alec.' Then everything went to hell. Hodge had vanished, a demon's teeth were clamped onto my shoulder and the door had swung right open revealing a heaving warlock, Magnus.

We caught each other's eyes and he brought himself off the floor and ran towards me shooting the demon back to hell with a flick of his hand. He looked tired but not exhausted and I was just glad that he was okay.

His lips seemed to be moving but no sound was coming out. My shoulder hurt, really hurt. I was in a daze and my whole word seemed to be turning black. 'What-' I was cut off by a lack of consciousness.

_~M~_

Alec was unresponsive, gaunt-looking and the colour of death. His eyes were partially glazed over and his lips were slightly open as he breathed shallow and short breaths. He was alive but not for very long.

I was physically tired and my magic seemed to coincide as sparks failed to fly from my fingers as they did on such a regular basis. I held him in my arms, bridal style, and was making my way to the infirmary- ignoring the pleas and cries coming from nearby.

When I had reached the infirmary, Isabelle was there, her face tear-stricken and worrisome. 'Magnus!' She cried out and ran to get Alec out of my hands and onto the bed which I gladly accepted. My arms were weak, my body was weak. I had spent so long trying to break that door down that I barely realised my fatigue.

'How bad is it?' Isabelle asked from the other side of the bed, Alec resting between us. I just shook my head and focused on my hands. They flickered under the dancing sparks but this was no pretty sight, this was bad. An unknown demon had left a rather large bite on his shoulder, dotted around it was ten, already healing, teeth marks- although there was no doubt that they would scar. Isabelle hurried to draw an iratze as close to his heart as possible but it only seemed to heal the marks around the wound. This demon's poison was lethal and it seemed Alec would die without help.

Shutting my eyes, concentrating all my last strength on my magic, I finally felt it flare. That was what I was used to. Unaware of how much energy I was using, I held my hands above Alec, softly letting my fingers dance over his muscled frame.

'I'm not letting you go just yet.' I teased looking down on him, sending another burst of magic towards the injury. I slowly felt myself fainting but smiled when I saw the skin grow back at an inhumane pace.

'Magnus, are you alright?' I heard Izzy worry from my right, or was it my left? I really was out of it. I stumbled towards the bed and barely caught myself before I would fall onto Alec. I nodded but it was a lie, I was on the brink of unconsciousness. Maybe if I just...lay down...No, I woke myself up with my own thoughts and looked towards Izzy who hadn't said a word. Or had she? Her lips seemed to be moving but no sound was coming out. My head hurt, really hurt. I was in a daze and my whole word seemed to be turning black. 'What-' I was cut off by a lack of consciousness.

-

I woke up with a groan to see Isabelle hovering above me. 'What happened?' I rubbed my eyes and leant against the headboard. Without an answer, Izzy sighed and made her way towards Alec's bed.

'Magnus, a lot went down and we don't need any more people here. The clave are already on their way.' I nodded in acceptance, knowing she was politely asking me to leave. It was common knowledge that a warlock would not be accepted within the institute.

'I'll be on my way then.' I stood up, glad to see that the waves of dizziness and pain had seemed to fallen into oblivion.

'Goodbye, Magnus.' She sighed, looking over to her brother, letting her gaze soften. She really did love him and I trusted her to care for him.

'Look after him for me.' I smiled and left without a reply, praying that Alec would be alright.

_~A~_

I woke up to a searing heat. Lights, it was just the lights. Why could I feel their heat, though? No, the heat wasn't coming from them. It was coming from another object. Human, that was definitely the feeling of a human. I blinked a few times to finally see Isabelle atop of me, her head laying on my chest and gentle snores coming from her open mouth.

What the hell had happened?


	11. ''He Can't Be, He's Not''

_~A~_

'Isabelle?' I asked, shaking her awake softly, the snores quickly stifled and her head shooting up.

'Alec!' She cheered, wrapping her arms around my still frail body. I felt weak, it was no surprise- it must have been a long while since I ate anything.

'Hi, Iz.' I smiled gently at her and hugged her back, my arms aching as I did so. I soon let go and groaned as I pushed myself upright, Izzy falling back quickly. 'What happened?' I asked, examining the room. Most objects were still a blur in front of my blurry eyes but I could make up smashed objects along with blood trailing across the main part of the infirmary's floor.

'A lot,' Izzy sighed, 'you've been asleep for fifteen hours, Alec, you managed to miss the brunt of the aftermath. The Clave have already left.' Izzy looked solemn, falling back onto the stool she had placed beside his bed that she must have been sitting on before falling asleep atop of me.

'The Clave was here?' I squinted at her, her face still a blur of blacks and pinks, as confusion contorted my face. I couldn't remember much with sleep hanging over me, I was drained, exhausted even and was not in the state of mind to be asking such serious questions. Izzy nodded, her face solemn still.

'Valentine was here. He has the cup...Jace and Clary, they aren't in the best place right now.' Izzy looked pained, uncomfortable. I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder but it did little to relax her.

'What happened to them?' I asked, meeting her eyes, which were now brimming with tears. This had gotten to her just as much as it had gotten to the rest of them- her warrior facade was breaking.

'They...they're siblings. Jace is as much Valentine's child as Clary is.' I gaped at her, disbelieving. My parabatai, my _brother_ , was Valentine's son. It was impossible. Impossible. I turned my head to my lap and shook my head.

'He can't be. He's not.' Denial.

'Yes, Alec, he is.' Sadness.

'Anything else?' Solemn.

'Only what happened to you. You are the only one who has any information to that mystery, though.' My head shot up, my eyebrows furrowed. I focused but the spell of sleep was still on me, my thoughts would not sort themselves.

'I can't remember, not yet anyway. I'm still tired.' I admitted and she nodded in understanding. That kept the conversation at bay causing us to sit in silence, both of us monitoring the clock carefully- whilst it seemed Izzy was waiting for something, I was simply trying to decipher the blur of numbers I was seeing.

My brain didn't seem to register any of what had been said to me. It still denied that my parabatai was my enemies son. It hadn't realised that my enemy had shadowhunter's most wanted weapon. It hadn't noticed that it was not sleep driving me to delirium but rather a lack of food- starvation, almost.

'Magnus!' I suddenly called out. How had I forgotten? He was here with the rest of us, right? I remember being on the subway with him. On the way here, wasn't it? Or was my mind all just a jumble right now; could I not remember anything right? 'Is he okay?' I urged Izzy who smiled gently and nodded. Relief shot through my and I sank back from my tense position. 'That's good.' I breathed.

'Oh, food!' Isabelle burst out, rushing over to a far off table, or so I assumed, and came back with some simple but revitalising food. I took it gladly and began eating furiously, the cloud in my mind slowly lifting. A smile graced my lips only to be replaced with a frown, the whole situation suddenly setting in.

'Valentine has the cup.' I breathed, my eyes widening, flying over to Izzy. She looked distraught by now, having had time to wallow over the fact. 'We lost-'

'No, we didn't.' Isabelle interrupted. 'Valentine may have the cup but he still has a lack of people on his side. We can still beat him, I know it.' Isabelle's cracked facade was replaced with a new one and despite seeing the falseness in it, it did give me a sense of hope in the situation.

'Alec!' I heard the shriek ring around the room and a pair of lips touch my own and I knew immediately who it was. I smiled and let him kiss me before pulling away slowly, watching as Izzy sneakily left the room, stifling a laugh. I smiled at her as a form of goodbye before turning my full attention to the man beside me, his face a mix of worry and happiness.

'How are you feeling?' He asked gently, cupping my cheek with his palm. I nestled into the touch murmuring a quick 'fine'.

'I'm glad,' he started, 'you had me worried. Technically, I'm here for a medical check-up, that's what I had to tell your parents, so I should probably do that.'

'My parents are here?!' I gasped, my eyes widening. Magnus nodded, disgust gracing his lips. I copied his action, I didn't think I could bear it with them around. Nor could I be around Magnus in the Institute with them around...or Jace, for that matter. Magnus began his check up with no further speech and found me healthy apart from a few scattered scars and a fairly bad injury on my shoulder- the demon bite. It seemed no poison was in me, luckily, so I was free to go about my life again, with frequent rest by request of Magnus himself- at his place preferably.

'I didn't want to bring this up just yet but I want to know what happened the other side of that door. What happened to you? That injury is serious enough for it not just to be from battle. I think I would have noticed that too.' Magnus rambled, scanning me over for injuries one last time using his eyes rather than his magic, wincing as he looked at my shoulder. And without hesitation, I began to recall as much as I could of what happened.


	12. ''Why Are You Here, Mr Bane?''

_~A~_

I was let out the next day and I was sent straight to rest in my room. No different than I had been the last night but at least, this time, I was somewhere familiar. Despite the urge to visited Magnus', I stayed put. Magnus joined me in that, refusing to go home until he knew I was better. There was still a clear hint of fear in his eyes.

'Magnus, we need to get up.' I murmured, groggy from the incessant hours of sleep. Magnus sighed, he had finally joined me on the bed after fifteen minutes of bickering on why he should or should not sleep on the floor. He came to my bed- I had won, a smug smile playing on my face. But, now, I almost regretted the decision. It was clear that Magnus had no intention of moving and with him practically on top of me, it seemed I had no choice in the matter either.

'Magnus! Food, ill person!' I tried to trick him, he would do anything for my wellbeing but it seemed he wasn't as tired as I once thought.

'Alec, you had food like an hour ago.' He groaned, shuffling so his head was more comfortably on my chest.

'I know, Magnus. Can we just get up? My parents...they could come in at any time.' Magnus groaned, clearly conflicted on what to do. During the minute of brooding, though, I had the skill to pry him off and stand up.

'Why does it matter if your parents walk in on us like this?' He grumbled into the pillow, smearing the makeup he was too lazy to take off on it.

'Because! You know why, Magnus! I haven't told them...not yet, at least.' I sighed, defeatist thoughts spilling into my mind. I had no control over it. The panic struck me like lightning, unexpected and painful. All doubts about myself came front and foremost and it seemed, now, my breathing had become uncontrollable and Magnus was at my side.

I hadn't even noticed him come in front of me, wrapping his arms gently around my waist and pulling me into his shoulder. 'Don't panic, Alec. There is no need to panic.' I nodded, I understood. To be honest, I shouldn't have been so fragile as to react so harshly to that- I was a shadowhunter, not a mundane. It was just...my parents. They were such a sensitive topic. They were the incarnate of my fears. They were all the hatred I saw in human form.

They never cared about who I was- they cared about what I did. They only ever cared about what I did for them. Never what I did for myself. I wasn't a human to them, I was a servant- made to do their bidding. 'You okay?' Magnus asked, pulling away from me gently, holding me away at an arm's length- it was the only thing that stopped me from falling into his arms once again.

I nodded and pulled away from his hands and continued to get the last of my clothes on- having slept in just a t-shirt and jogging bottoms. I would have to train soon and bumping into my parents inevitable so I prepared for both- gear on my body and my mind mentally preparing for the onslaught that could come.

I motioned for Magnus to follow me as we left my room and began to stalk down the corridors- both of us much too tired to care much about appearances. Well, Magnus seemed rather put together but on his level, he looked rather dismal.

We passed the kitchen, holding our breath to block out the gut-wrenching smell that was Izzy's cooking. Then, the library which was occupied by a rather distressed looking Clary and Jace who didn't make eye-contact and it seemed when they both did look up from their books, it was to scowl at the other. It seemed that they placed the guilt on each other, the imbeciles. I would have to talk to Jace about that later. We were parabatai, I shouldn't have even waited the time I did. But, I had my own problems to deal with- such as the minor ache in my shoulders that would most likely reduce my performance in training. Yes, I didn't find out I was in love with my sister. But, it did seem that my choice in romantic interest wasn't to everyone's taste either.

Before I could pass the next room, I felt a heavy weight pushing into my shoulder. I looked up, confused, to see Magnus frantically gesturing his head to the right. I looked over and suddenly, all that had happened hit me like a bus. There stood my parents, proud and tall as always- despite both being either my height or shorter.

'Mum, dad.' I address them both with a curt nod. Magnus didn't seem to give the favour- preferring to give them a slight glare from where he was observing his perfectly manicured nails.

'Alexander.' My mother replied, the name sounding disgusting coming from the serpent's tongue. I shook my head, I shouldn't have been thinking like that. She was my mother and he was my father. I loved them- even if that love was unexplainable. That was why I hated that they...well...hated me. I didn't want to love someone who didn't love me in return. Unrequited love is the most painful love.

'We were here to talk to you about what happened. We want your account.' No questions, that was how his father worked- blunt and to the point. No smiles in sight. Magnus' gaze seemed to intensify, the whole mood in the room shifting a degree darker.

'Without _him_ here. Why _are_ you here, Mr Bane?' My father looked disgusted. Typical, he had never liked downworlders. He was one of those who revelled in being allowed to call them below us- as if they lived in a pit. He spat on the weak. Although, he did love so much to congratulate the strong. He was a man of many sides, he just liked to show one over the rest.

'Alexander was just thanking me for healing him.' Magnus lied smoothly, pushing one side of his tail coat- sparkly, obviously- behind his back and shoved one hand into his pocket as if to restrain himself from punching one of them. I thanked him silently for the effort.

'You were thanking a warlock? Why he's getting paid isn't he?' His mother looked between the two oddly. She had a reason. Despite it being unjust, few shadowhunters ever thanked warlocks for their help. They were getting paid, that was all the thanks they needed. Many warlocks were fine with that- the few that weren't, couldn't complain anyway, they would be out of business if they did.

'I-I just...he's a...um...' I trailed off, the words not quite coming out right. 'Acquaintance.' I finished, not daring to look over to Magnus. Who, undoubtedly, was trying to keep himself from growling. I had to call him an acquaintance. Not boyfriend, not even friend. Acquaintance.

My parents seemed to accept the idea and dismissed the two of us, telling me to meet them later in the library for my recollection of what happened so they could report the Clave. No care for what had happened. All for their work. But, nonetheless, I had Magnus to myself again and that was all I could hope for. With my parents gone, I turned to him, smiling.

He didn't smile back.


	13. ''Fine, Leave''

_~A~_

I panted as I rushed towards Magnus' apartment. The journey had been short and it was only another few minutes on foot but it couldn't have felt longer. My legs almost ached when I reached Magnus', the desperation evident on my face as I slammed my finger onto the buzzer. Within seconds I was being let in by a worried looking Magnus who scanned me over as if I had been morbidly injured. 'What's wrong, Alexander?' He asked, quirking an eyebrow, looking me up and down once more.

'Nothing.' I spoke between heavy breaths. 'Just my parents- they get on my nerves sometimes. I couldn't help but run when they stopped talking and the first place I thought to go was, well, here.' I admitted with a small smile, looking up at him as I hunched over, trying to catch my breath. I hadn't realised I had sprinted- without a speed rune or stamina rune at that.

'I'm not surprised, they're, well, your parents.' Magnus had no restraint in voicing his views on my family and although it set me on edge, I let him off the hook- he had good reason to hate them. Although, the look on his face almost made me bring it up, if only just to indicate to him that he was being rude. He looked at me, now with the knowledge I was fine, with a withdrawn look. It was almost if he didn't want me to be here. What had changed since the last time I had come here? If anything, I had expected the tragedy to draw us closer, not further apart. He protected me, I was grateful. Maybe he wanted to be protected himself. No, that was petty. Magnus wasn't a petty man- unless fashion and style came into the equation.

I blinked and the look was gone. Magnus was smiling again; I couldn't be more glad for it. I smiled in return and took one of his hands, dragging him forward and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. 'What should we do then with my new found freedom?' I laughed, a blush spreading across my cheeks at the simple implication of my words.

'Well, how about some food, movie and then...we'll see what the night has in store for us.' He chuckled quietly as the blush spread further down my neck, my whole face a violent red. He was used to seeing me like this but I still seemed to be no more used to him seeing it. My face turned a shade redder- any more and I would soon be purple.

'Food then?' I said when silence fell and our eyes found themselves just staring at the other. I tugged at his arm and led him into the kitchen. 'What do you have to serve me, Chef Bane?' I teased, my dignity lost with the blush on my face- a new found confidence radiating from it instead.

'Well, I mean _I_ am an option but I feel like we have to save that for later.' I almost choked on my own tongue. Despite my subtle references, that was blunt- not too much for my liking but still a little surprising. 'Alec, you okay, my dear?' He chuckled, a flash of worry in his eyes as he caught my eye. I nodded swallowing carefully, well, at least my throat was still intact- although a little sore.

'Uh-huh.' I finally managed to choke out, the fading blush now much apparent on my cheeks. Magnus chuckled again, taking pity on me and deciding to just begin to prepare the food. It was a beautiful thing to watch, Magnus cooking, his sleeves rolled up above his elbows and his hair slightly out of its usual place, concentration clear in his eyes. Despite him making it obvious that he liked to eat out at restaurants, hundreds of years of living certainly paid off in the cooking department when he placed the bowl of piping hot spaghetti, artfully presented with a gorgeous looking sauce, at my place on the table.

I sat down opposite Magnus and began to dig in, savouring the unimaginably good taste. Living on Izzy's cooking for the last few days had probably made a slice of plain bread taste good. This, this was heaven. It was finished quickly, probably too quickly for Magnus' liking but I couldn't help but eat it practically in one bit so, after waiting a few minutes for Magnus to finish too, we found ourselves on the sofa- our legs entangled and my head atop of his- getting ready to watch a film. Then as soon as the film's opening credits came onto the screen, my phone decided it was the best time to buzz. I groaned but leant over to pick the damned object up. I looked down. My eyes widened. Another groan came from my mouth.

Magnus' head shot to the side, his attention already taken from the film- one he had probably watched too many times to count anyway- and onto me. 'What's the matter?' He asked, his curiosity written upon his face.

'My parents are calling me back to the Institute for a mission briefing.' I sighed, clutching my phone tightly in my hand but stood up nonetheless. 'I have to go.' I looked back at him, giving him a weak smile. He didn't return it.

'No, you don't. You've been with them for the last few hours, Alexander. Just tell them you can't make it.' Magnus complained, his eyebrows furrowed, the expression from earlier returning. The withdrawal. From what? I still wasn't sure.

'I have to, Magnus. This is work, not family. I would stay if I could.' I leant down to give him a goodbye kiss but his head turned before I could even come close.

'Fine, leave. I'll be here when you're done.' He looked like a small child- his arms crossed and his legs folded. It was as if he was about to have a tantrum. Maybe he was, Magnus' moods were unpredictable. This one was unrecognisable.

'Bye, Magnus.' I whispered, leaving the room, my face contorted with worry. What was going on? What had changed since I last saw him? What had I done to him? He looked restrained, controlled, often bored. That wasn't the extravagant Magnus I knew. All I could identify this mood with was a single thing- he would never smile back.

As if he no longer cared about us.


	14. ''What The Hell Have You Been Doing?''

_~A~_

I sat in my room in the Institute, a frown overtly etched on my face. It seemed, recently, I had an apathy to smiling at all. I looked down at my phone once more. No notifications glared at me with its blank white eyes. I had texted Magnus hours ago. No reply. Although, it would have been fine if not for the knowledge that Magnus was one to reply within seconds- at least to me, anyway. Now, after three hours, I was beginning to worry.

Those looks, those frowns, those irritated sighs, they all meant something, didn’t they? Probably. I sighed, clenching my fists and throwing my phone to the floor, the delicate screen only protected by the unfortunately-susceptible-to-cracking screen protector. I stood, my legs feeling weak after the hours of sitting, stretching my arms out before pulling on some comfortable workout gear. I had some pent up anger to release.

I trudged down the corridors, ignoring each and every call of my name until I reached the training room and, finding it empty, locking the door. Some peace and quiet would do me good, I needed time to think- desperately. It seemed, though, that thinking would not help. It would only make things worse.

 _Magnus hates you,_ rang too many times to count. Followed by the familiar, _he has every right to._ I clenched my fists and punched the punching bag again but it did nothing. This was all too common, my self-esteem had been grounded over the years and with Magnus being the one to help build it up, not having him had caused the walls to crumble. I was bare and vulnerable again. Not to others...but myself.

I punched again, the thoughts flooding away each time I did so but with each punch came another scrape, another cut. I should have bounded my fingers, there was now blood dripping off my knuckles and if it had only just been caused, the pain hit me. I hissed, clenching at my fist, gritting my teeth. I stumbled over to the door, no longer concentrating on anything but cleaning the already scabbing wounds. I unlocked it, not expecting anyone to be the other side of it. But, irritatingly, Izzy was there, her arms folded and her eyes narrowed.

‘Alec!’ She gasped as her eyes found his knuckles. ‘What the hell have you been doing?!’ She screeched, her face a mask of fury and worry blended all into one- Izzy was the only one he knew who could pass it off so well.

‘Punching bag.’ I murmured, looking to the floor, feeling like a lectured child. She huffed but nonetheless dragged me to the nearest bathroom and started washing the blood off my hands as well as tracing an iratze on my forearm with her stele.

‘Why?’ She sighed, probably knowing the answer but too in denial to accept it.

‘Magnus is ignoring me.’ Saying it out loud made me feel all the more stupid, of course, he could have just been busy and that’s why he hadn’t answered. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions. Izzy seemed to believe that too. Yet, that odd behaviour that I now saw so often. Wasn’t that a sign that _something_ was going wrong. Magnus was feeling something that I wasn’t. I couldn’t pinpoint what but I knew it was serious. But, I at least thought we would talk about it. Instead, he was simply refusing to talk. But, then again, at this point, I only had theories. Anything could be happening.

_~M~_

I looked at my phone again, debating answering just as I had been doing for the last three hours. One the one hand, I should’ve answered- Alec must have been worrying- I was his boyfriend, probably, after all. One the other hand, I didn’t want to answer. Alec knew something was wrong. I had been too obvious but I shouldn’t have had to hide it. I was mad, yes. He had dismissed our relationship like it was nothing. But, it wasn’t only that. That was only proof of my thoughts.

Shadowhunters, especially closeted ones, and warlocks were not meant to be together. It would never work. I had been too caught up in it all to notice. I was immortal, he was mortal. He was closeted, I was so openly gay that I often came off too strong. He fought, I created. He used swords, I used magic.

We were polar opposites in every way. Nothing was going to change that. But, either way, I looked back down at my phone again. I had to answer, didn’t I? I couldn’t let him worry. But, it had been hours now, if he was going to worry, he would have done it by now.

But, I answered anyway. After four hours of debating it, my finger hit send...of the most dismal message I had ever written. _I’m busy._ Soon after I sent it, I regretted it. Who sent ‘I’m busy’ hours after being sent a sweet message asking to meet. I felt like an idiot. Then again, recently, I had been feeling that a lot. Just another reason to end this.

I kept on saying it, almost like an excuse as if I _wanted_ this to end. That was it, wasn’t it? The one thing I didn’t want to admit. That this happiness Alec had brought me scared me and I wanted to end this. I wasn’t ready to fall, not yet. Even after decades of hiding my heart away, I wasn’t ready to lower my walls. Alec was too close, this had been going too fast. I was shying away when it was too late to pull back.

It would be messy if I were to end this. But, I had to. I knew I had to, if only for Alec’s sake. Alec didn’t need me. He was better off without me. He was safe without me. He could hide his true self away and he could live his life confidently, not fearing about having to tell his parents about a rather eccentric boyfriend choice.

I sighed, it was now or never.


	15. ''Goodbye, Magnus''

_~A~_

 I was lost. My mind swirled, my thoughts no more important than dirt. Nothing enabled me to grasp a single one and hold to it. It was a blur, a mix of emotions, thoughts and wants. The pain still ached, numbed slightly by the stillness as I lay on the bed, watching the sun shine brightly outside the stain glass window- a rich purple and a light pink that decorated one of the attic rooms.

The Institute had, at some point, become painfully claustrophobic, the dust choking me painfully. I almost enjoyed it. Almost. Somewhere, along this bumpy road, I had wanted something to distract me- pain had often worked. I trained long hours, often without gloves and my hands looked worse than a battlefield: a weeks worth of scrapes that had begun to add up.

Magnus had answered, eventually: pitifully. His simplistic answer had made the situation worse than I ever thought I could be. My emotions were still unclear, a blurred photograph that was far from being able to be clear. I wanted to hit him, for lack of better words. A fist to his face would give me more pleasure than it ever could when fighting a real demon. It seemed that half-demons were much more pleasurable to torture- especially when they provoked you.

I kept my thoughts to myself. I was an advocate for downworlders rights and going off on a rampage now would do nothing for me or anyone else but cause trouble. That didn't lessen my anger towards the sparkly warlock. What it did do, though, was magnify my desperation to confront the bastard. He deserved my wrath right now. He should have known by now that this was my first relationship and that simply ignoring me sent me the same signals as it did out of a relationship.

I groaned, hiding my face in the palms of my hands, failing to dismiss the anger-ridden thoughts. I meant none of this, or at least a more sensible version of me hoped so. I loved Magnus. At least, I thought I did. I should have known that I didn't know what love was. What I was sure that I felt for Magnus could have been anything.

It pained me to think that it was simply lust. It couldn't be, right? Yes, it could. I denied it nonetheless. I loved Magnus. I would tell him that. I love you, three simple words and this could all be fixed. But, I love you doesn't fix anything. If it did do one thing, it was to make things worse. An unprecedented I love you could be worse than an 'I hate you'.

If someone tells you they love you and you don't reciprocate the feelings, it will only break a heart...or maybe too. Pain inflicted can be just as painful for the person doing the deed than the victim. Unless you're a masochist, that is.

I stood up, suddenly determined. I would at least confront Magnus. Despite my muddled thoughts, I could do that much. I would talk to him and just see what occurs. Going with the flow was never really my style, though. Just another difference between us.

I pulled on my jacket, unable to look at my drastically depleted reflection on my way out. I felt like I hadn’t slept in days. No, scrap that, I really hadn’t slept in days. I didn’t warn Magnus of my arrival. I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t want a prepared speech, I wanted honesty. Lately, I hadn’t had any. I felt cheated. I wasn’t sure why or how but I was cheated. Magnus was tricking me, wrapping me around his finger just to throw me in the trash.

I felt worse than ever. I had never had confidence in myself, even as a child. Everyone around me was or was said to be better. I was the lowest. I was the protector who couldn’t protect. A failure kept around out of pity. That’s all I was, I assured myself. My own mind didn’t bother fighting; it had given up long ago.

The streets of Brooklyn were cold. I still felt groggy from falling asleep on the subway. I hadn’t meant to but it seemed the days of not sleeping were catching up. I walked with my hands tucked into the small pockets of my leather jacket, my flimsy clothes the only thin layer of protection I had. I ignored the cold, letting the shivers come along with the chattering of my teeth. I welcome the pain. I wasn’t one to want pain or inflict it but right about now, anything was a good distraction. I didn’t want to even comprehend the conversation that was about to take place. Somewhere along the way, I had persuaded myself that I could be an observer, objectively looking upon the conversation. That’s not how conversations work. I was a part of this as much as Magnus was. This was subjective, my emotions had everything to play in it.

When I reached the door, my hands fell to my sides as if the weight it would take to press the damned button was too much. It wasn't fear, it was something much more than that. It was knowledge. The knowledge that something was wrong. The knowledge that this could be the end of my recent happiness. And yes, maybe with knowledge, fear followed but I refused to give in. My hands would not shake nor would my voice. I would stand strong.

Or so I hoped.

The buzzer was harsh, a metallic sound that hurt my ears more than it ever had before. But, within seconds, a voice was sent through the tiny speaker and Magnus’ voice was clear. ‘Who is it?’ His voice sounded tired as if he no longer had the energy to stand. Exhausted would be better, actually. Exhausted of everything. I wondered what he would look like when I saw him.

‘Alec.’ What was supposed to be a statement had become a secret, a hushed tone that I didn't want to be heard- not by anyone. The door opened, much to my immediate shock, thinking I would have to put much more of a fight up. One foot crossed the boundary, then the other and by the time I had reached the third step, I realised, there was no turning back now.

When I reached the door that would let me into the loft, I paused once again. This time, my hope was all but lost. My hands were shaking and there was no doubt that my voice would too. I was no longer aware of what I was afraid of, only the impending sense of doom that was hidden behind the- unfortunately glitter stained- door.

After a minute of debating, the door opened before I could knock again. ‘Alec.’ Magnus spoke politely, nodding, standing there as if I were a client, his usual dust of glitter sparkling from its place on his shoulders and sleeves.

‘Hey, Magnus.’ My voice was soft, gentle as if talking to a hissing cat. A reassurance that I wasn’t there for violence. Or was I? He motioned me in and I pushed past him and into the so very familiar living room. One that I had spent the last weeks in.

Weeks. God, it had only been weeks. A relationship that felt like years really was no more than a fling, I realised. We hadn’t built a relationship. We had built a flame. Everyone knew that flames eventually die out- unless a miracle were to happen. I may be the descendant of an angel but I was no miracle worker.

‘How have you been?’ The voice came from behind, I almost jumped- my shadowhunter sense the only thing nailing me to the ground.

‘Good, good.’ I dismissed him for the sofa, settling in as if I owned the place. I was playing a game of dominance, one I had never played before- one I knew I would lose. That didn’t stop me from playing. ‘So, what about you? Busy?’ The taunt hit its target. Magnus flinched, my worded knife hitting right into his heart.

‘Very.’ His teeth were gritted, the opportunities to take over the situation no doubt passing by him until he just grasped one. Although, for now, this was my game and I was going to play it in my favour until that courtesy was gone.

The silence was a favour to us both in the next few minutes. ‘Alec, I didn’t…’ Magnus began but I cut him off with a finger in the air, a silent plea for quiet.

‘Don’t even, Magnus.’ I sighed, my eyes rolling as I stood back up, my legs longing for relaxation as soon as I did so. I approached him carefully, taking it step by step, going at my own pace. I was still in control, I decided what was about to happen. ‘No excuses.’ I stood over him, towering high above him. He looked afraid, like a mouse backed into an alley by the dreaded cat. I glared at him, no pity for his wide eyes. After all this, after all these games, I had to set him straight. If he could explain then fine, I was wrong.

From his face I could see, there was no explanation.

He had been playing games with me all along.

‘But-’

‘You don’t have any, that much is obvious so don’t even try.’ I spat, running a ragged hand through my hair, pacing the room. ‘You don’t, do you?’ I accused, the dreaded look of betrayal passing across my face. I didn’t want to show my weaknesses, not now. My control would be lost.

His eyes locked in on the ground and I just shook my head, my lips curving with disdain. ‘Why, Magnus? Why now? What did I do wrong? No, what did you do that suddenly changed everything. Okay, I know I'm not exactly experienced in relationships but I’m sure this isn’t how it is supposed to be.’ I gritted my teeth, the grind of tooth against tooth almost painful.

Magnus looked up, an agonised look on his face. 'You did nothing wrong, Alexander. This just wasn't supposed to be what happened.' I sighed, running my hand through my hair once more. What that was supposed to mean, I didn't know. Did Magnus want to break up? Was Magnus unsure of us? All sounded petty. But, then again, wasn't Magnus petty in his entirety. Even after centuries, he tended to back out at the slightest of things.

I may not have known him for long but it had been evident from the start. Any sign of getting close, he would take a step back. Yet, each step I took back, he took forward. We remained within the same distance but we continued, on and on, back and forth.

One step back, one step forward. A loop. A cycle that could not be undone. Until now. I could stop it. I wouldn't just take a step back. I was going to run, run as fast as I could because if Magnus didn't think this was what was 'supposed' to happen then I would set it right, and this would all be over.

'Goodbye, Magnus.' I stated, my face remaining passive as the tension ran over his body.

'No, wait!'

'No! Don't do this, Magnus. If this wasn't what was supposed to happen then I'm taking it into my own hands and pretend it didn't happen at all.' I spat, storming out of the such familiar apartment and back home.

It seemed it was over.

It was really over.


	16. ''He?''

_~M~_

I stared at the door as if it were Alec. I still hadn't registered the situation in its entirety. It still hadn't settled in. Oh god, what had I done? What had I done!? I panicked, my shaky hands running through my hair over and over until the strands were almost falling out. I had achieved my goal. Alec had broken up with me.

I had never felt worse in my entire life.

Why in hell had I wanted that again? Seeing him made it all rush back, all those feelings, all those feelings that I had found in simply a few weeks of knowing him. No, I was right. A relationship that fast would never last. Or would it? Would it?! Panic flooded back. For once in my life, I regretted my decision because for once in my life, I knew this would be irreversible. In my centuries of living, I had made plenty of mistakes but that was inevitable. But, all were either reversible or at least for the greater good. I didn't think I could find any good in this.

I think that was the first person to dump me.

I had broken hearts, had mine broken but never, ever had someone come up to me and said it's over. Mutual breakups or simply running away. Never had I had the fate of someone telling me to my face.

I didn't think my heart could break into any more pieces.

I paced the floor, back and forth- over and over. Continuing until my legs ached as much as my mind. I ruined everything became the mantra of my mind, the script of my soul. With each repetition, I believed it more: a propaganda that even tricks the government.

When night fell and I found myself on my bed, unsure of how I had reached there in the hours of mindless, endless brooding. When centuries pass, hours can feel like minutes. Now, never had time felt so drawn out.

I sighed, a hand finding its way through my hair again. I tried to let the memories flood back. I was the man that everybody loved. I was the glitter loving, warm hearted warlock who even helped shadowhunters, right?

Everybody loved me. Right?

My narcissism seemed falser than ever. I didn't care, though, as I lay on my bed and thought of the past moments I loved. Whether or not they involved Alec, I didn't care. I focused on the good, the moments that made me smile and the more I thought of it, God, there were many of them.

My life had been filled with misery just as much as it had been filled with happiness. And, if my sorrows could write a novel then so could my smiles. So, with that on my mind, I tried to let myself sleep. At least I knew that heartbreak ended and maybe tomorrow, I would feel just that slightly bit better and that smile would return.

Even if right now I would love to do nothing more than cry. I knew if I did that, though, I had given up hope for something better- hope was the one thing I could never give up.

_~A~_

'Alec, sweetie, please open the door.' My mother's sweet voice spoke through the door, her voice muffled by the solid wood between us. I almost scoffed. Her voice was sickly, disdainful and fake. I could tell, now, after his nineteen years of living that my mother only sounded like this when she wanted something from me or if she had to play out a mission for the Clave.

My hands trembled as I shakily wiped away my tears and ignored my mother's incessant knocking. I didn't want to talk. Not to her. Not to him. Not to anyone. I didn't think I could talk. The words would stick in my throat, my tears would be prominent and my blotchy skin unable to be hidden.

I was a mess. All because of the bastard I hoped was my boyfriend. I couldn't tell now. I couldn't trust him now. He was as fake as my mother. The one who wouldn't stop knocking. 'Alec, please, let me in. We're worried about you. Izzy and Jace especially.' I wanted to scoff again but I couldn't, not when she spoke about Izzy and Jace. I knew I was hurting them by locking myself away but then again if I didn't, I didn't think they would be any happier. If anything, everything would be worse.

But, at the mention of their name, the door was unlocked and open and there stood my mother in all her pride and me, there, with scruffy hair, blotchy eyes and scratched skin.

'Alec, my poor boy. What happened?' She asked, running her hands across my shoulders and down my arms reassuringly. But it wasn't. It was like she was examining me. The frail touch was careful. The worried eyes were sharp and watched over me like a hawk. The kind words were nothing but a ploy to reel me in.

So, I remained stoic, despite the new tears brimming my eyes. I blinked them away gently, trying not to raise a problem. My mother had already seen it, though, and within seconds I had been pushed onto my desk chair, my mum taking a place on my bed and the interrogation had begun.

'Alec, you need to tell me what's happening. I hate seeing you like this.' More lies. Definitely more lies. My convincing seemed as fake as I had once found her words.

'Alec, please.' She begged, trying to catch my gaze, never quite managing it.

'I broke up with someone.' I breathed, my voice shaky, croaking due to the lack of nutrition in the last few days.

'Oh. Wow.' Should have known that look, surprise. Of course, she was surprised, she didn't know I even had the capacity for a relationship. If anything, she thought I would live a life alone and dedicate myself to being a shadowhunter, maybe even a silent brother.

'Who was it?' The dreaded question. Who? I couldn't say who. I couldn't say their gender or their name or their position or their race. All would be frowned upon.

'It doesn't matter.' I murmured, leaning back in the chair, closing my eyes and sighing.

'It does matter, Alec. I want to know who did this.' She insisted, her voice adding weight to my shoulders. But, I already had too much weight there. And, within seconds, I had broken. I had lost control of what I said. I didn't care anymore. I didn't think it could get any worse.

'He doesn't matter anymore, mum. Leave it alone.' I insisted. A pause. A heavy pause. Nothing was said for minutes. I didn't understand. Nothing made sense.

And then, it all came crashing down.

'He?' 


	17. Discontinued

Due to such a hectic schedule, I am discontinuing all but four of my books. I am sorry to any readers. Hopefully, I will start writing this again soon.

~Maddie


End file.
